Tuesday, 28 June 2016

So how do all you single (adoptive) parents do it?  I am overwhelmed, exhausted and living in chaos!  I frequently feel like I am "firefighting" rather than living.  Those wonderful moments of fun that make every challenge and chore worthwhile seem ever more elusive!  I find that my mind is full of thoughts that I am failing.  I feel as if my parenting has somehow taken a wrong turn, that I am not managing all things domestic, that the paperwork is winning outright and that I am not giving enough to family, friends, work and play.  The reality is ... its hard!!!  Very hard!!! 

Is it only me that shouts like a fishwife when we are trying to get out the door and get to school on time in the morning?  Is it only me that repeatedly says "don't" when a reframe to "do" would so quickly change my eldest's response?  Is it only me that speaks irritability when worn down?  Is it only me who veers away from parenting therapeutically when in the midst of chaos even though it would ironically reduce said chaos?  Is it only me that lives with constant guilt that my parenting is sometimes not all it should be ? 

Although these thoughts have come and gone since I became a Mum, I think they have been more present recently, perhaps a reflection of how worn down I have become after months of struggling.  To address these struggles and to gain some support, I have started knocking on the doors of social services and health!  Although I didn't expect an instant response, I didn't expect it to be quite so difficult to prise the doors ajar let alone open them!!!  As my eldest's teacher suggested ... I might have to throw my toys out of the pram to get the doors to open wide enough for me to walk through ... !!!  So much for all my professional training in collaborative working!!!

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